Audience of One

Blogging for me is more therapeutic than anything else. Lately, people are asking me why I don’t blog more and when am I going to write again. Honestly, writing is hard. I’m not particularly good at it, and yet, it helps me process what is going on inside; especially, in my heart. I appreciate my friends’ encouragement though, so I’ll try to write more.

Looking back at my Lenten journey in college, it was a negative experience of my faith in Christ. After gathering on campus, we would all head out to different restaurants to just hang and connect. The only reason I knew it was Lent was all the water bottles everyone had, and no one was ordering food, even though we were at a restaurant. I remember asking: “Why is everyone carrying a water bottle? Why is no one eating at that whole table?” Oh yeah, it’s Lent! And they’re fasting. I thought why in the world meet in a restaurant if they weren’t going to eat. It was evident to everyone around them that they were fasting. Some were happy to talk about it. From that experience, I realized I couldn’t stand the public persona of spiritual discipline. It all looked and smelled of hypocrisy.

Jesus said, Matt. 6:16-18 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth; they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to people that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Jesus had it right: if you engage in spiritual disciplines, do it in private. God wants an audience of one; just you and Him. Even if you have to stop and break a spiritual discipline (because not doing so would make it public), then I would do it. You can reengage in a spiritual discipline afterward. Once it becomes public, there goes the ‘audience of one.’ More important than the discipline is our relationship with God. Since then, I rarely tell anyone of my spiritual discipline practice. I am far from where I want to be with spiritual disciplines, and I hope to continue becoming more and more like Jesus. He did things right.

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