I spent most of my life fighting to stay alive. Fighting adversities that had not only come into my life but also seemed to become my life. I grew up with alcoholic and abusive parents. I had been raped and raised a child as a result of that rape. I have been living with a severe illness for over six years that I should not have lived with past one year. There have been many times that I just wanted to quit; to give up and just let go. Sometimes I did just let go and found myself spiraling out of control. Over the years I have become strong in my faith and I have learned to just let go and let God take over. As I grow in my faith I am learning to trust God through adversity as well as the good times.
It is so easy to forget to say thank you for the little things in life. For the past year, I have learned to appreciate just the intake of a fresh breath, the smell of a flower, the sound of the wind whistling through the trees. To see my image in a mirror and be surprised that a smile is reflecting back at me. I have found joy and peace in my everyday life. I enjoy living each and every moment of my life.
Recently something strange has started happening to me. I have been feeling that I have a purpose here on earth, even though I am not always sure what that purpose is. I have believed for a long time that God has always had a purpose for me and I thought that the adversities I had been through were over. I was ready to enjoy living. I had worked hard at my faith and I had become a better person so now it was time to relax and take it easy. I was comfortable with my life. But I should know by now that when a lesson is learned a new one takes its place.
I began to experience more adversity in my life. More than I could handle. I thought that I could handle them alone, but I was forgetting an important lesson. Only by turning the problem over to God did I have the strength to work through the problem.
I have been drawn to eagles lately. I have had times that, with God, I can soar above the pain and suffering I once felt. Once soaring, I find myself falling once again toward the ground, out of control. I feel like a fledgling that can soar for a moment and then God lets go of me and I start to drop like a rock. Only to find, that with my faith, God reaches me before I hit the ground, and carries me high once again.
I am seeing that learning to soar like an eagle is rarely pleasant because to do so, we must leave our nests and take that leap of faith. I am learning that having a strong faith and being a good person is not enough. Life is not pain-free. I am finding out that I can still soar throughout adversities. I am learning that the actual joy of soaring comes only when I can learn to trust my faith and soar through the adversities, not just sit back and enjoy flight only when times are good. It is through this process that I become closer to God and that we become one. Change is difficult and life is a never-ending changing process. I see that adversities can just be a way of the changing process in my life. For without adversities, I tend to sit back and enjoy the view. With adversity comes letting go, acceptance, change, and soaring with my creator, God.
I thank God for the adversity, the chance to grow, and the experience in soaring.